This is how everyone should live- not really caring how other people's lives are and not being jealous. There will always be someone with a better life than you from your perspective; especially if you don't know them. Everyone has their own problems and struggles; but they don't display them to the world. So even someone with a seemingly perfect life has their own struggles to deal with... but they shouldn't concern you. As the quote says, you should be too busy trying to improve yourself to notice anyone else's issues.
Now, this quote is something I could do to learn from. I am a very sympathetic person, and I like to help my friends- and I will often take on THEIR stresses and troubles and set aside my own. I need to learn to focus on my own problems and on working on making myself happier- and KEEPING myself happier- rather than stressing out over my friend's lives. So while I may not be jealous about others' lives, I do need to start better caring for myself before putting others first. I should be putting myself first. And that about finishes up THIS post... I'll leave it here. ~Maddie
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I'm writing this post for a few reasons- but it is influenced by one of my friends. I'll keep her name out of this, but I want to share her story because I think people could learn from it. Recently, she got out of a really bad relationship with a guy. This guy was HORRIBLE for her- manipulative, over-bearing, a liar, and a cheater. On top of all of that, he betrayed her trust many times and it hurt her a lot. This lasted for 6 months, and since she's very forgiving, she gave her all to try and save the relationship. Obviously, in the end it failed since people like that are impossible to help... the guy dumped her because HE "couldn't handle it" in the end.
However, it's 4 months later and she's still letting this guy wreck her life. There are guys she wants to date who have asked her out; but she says no out of the fear that they'll be exactly like her ex. It's a rational fear, I understand- but at the same time, I think she should let go. She asked me for advice; and this is what I told her: "You can't let his dumb mistakes control you now. I mean yes, be careful... but don't let him stop you from living your life. Are you going to let him vindicate your every move for the rest of your life, simply out of fear that every guy will be like him..? I mean every relationship will come with its own set of problems; but not all of them will be like his. Just know the warning signs for people WITH his problem. But don't let someone who you dated THIS early in life control your entire life and make you fearful of love; because all love won't be like that. Mainly for the fact that what you had with him wasn't love." I think that this advice can be taken and used in MANY situations in life. You can't let something from the past vindicate your every move in life; because then you won't be able to live your life to the fullest. If you constantly live in fear of a repeated past; then you won't be able to create a new and improved future for yourself. And that is what I think my friend- and many others- need to understand. So, let go of your past- take the lessons you learned from it with you; but leave the fear behind. ~Maddie Okay, so on the surface the above quote doesn't seem to make sense. If there was positive, then it wouldn't be a negative event. Not so, something CAN be negative, yet still have some positive aspects. If the negative outweighs the positive, then it is a negative event. Even so, there is likely some positive from the event, and if there is, you should try to see it and profit from it.
A very personal negative event for me was my wife's death. No matter how hard I try, there was more negatives tied to that event than positives. While that is definitely true, if I think about it, there were some positive aspects too. Since it is personal, I don't want to get into this example too deeply. Suffice it to say that my daughters were removed from a situation where they were seeing the sufferings from addiction up close and personal. Midnight trips to the police department or hospital, while I tried to help Sharon, have become a thing of the distant past. That is the only example I will use here. Another negative turned positive that I will talk about involved the treachery of a friend when I was younger. On the surface, treachery of any type would seem to be a negative. The long-term repercussions of this one, though, were so positive that in hindsight, it would have been better if it had happened sooner than it did. So what's the story? When I was younger, I had a friend who was very manipulative and self-centered. It was hard to see though. You had to have known him for quite a while and seen it happen in a repetitive manner to notice it really. You see, this guy was always nice and friendly to people while he was with them, but as soon as someone annoyed him, he would work behind the scenes to make sure that person wouldn't hang out with the group as much. He would do it subtlety. To one person in the group, he would start to say negative things about the person, saying that that they had said something bad about the person behind their back. This was not always true. A lot of times the "negative" comment was usually only a part of the full thing that was said, with key pieces of information missing such as a qualification or a context. Next he would set up things to do and conveniently forget to invite the person he was mad at so that everyone who usually hung out together would be there except for the person he was mad at. He would then say he couldn't get in touch with him, or couldn't get an extra ticket or any number of excuses on why that person wasn't there. After a while, once people were enjoying themselves, he would say something like see how fun this is without so and so being here...trying to reinforce that things were better when that other person wasn't around. This went on for a while before I noticed it. Once I saw it though, I noticed that this behavior happened in cycles. For a month or two it would be one person who was getting the treatment. After a while, that person was let back in and another person was getting the shit treatment. All of it seemed to be designed to keep him at the center of the group and give him undue influence over who was in or out at any given moment. Once I figured it out, I started to distance myself from the guy, although that wasn't always possible since most of my friends hung out with him too. All of us had been friends since junior high school. We were all still partying together after college too. The event that changed everything happened soon after I got back from college. A bunch of us would usually get together to go out barhopping on the weekends. We lived at the Jersey shore and the bars were always packed on the weekends. We were in our mid to early twenties. During the week we all hung out together as well, and we often hung out with a group of girls that were slightly younger than us. It was good because while they were all above the age of 18, they were below 21 years old, and couldn't get into the bars. We liked that since we could hang with them during the week, but not have to worry about buying them expensive drinks at the bars on the weekend (all of us were working our first jobs and no one was making lots of money yet). Anyway, one of my friends started dating one of the younger girls, but was keeping it kind of casual. He'd still go out to the bars with us on the weekend, but he wasn't actively hitting on the chicks while we were out. My other friend was back to his old tricks and trying to stir trouble within the group. He let slip to this guy that I was interested in his girl friend, which wasn't really true. I liked one of her friends and was working on her. My friend knew this and told me on the side what the other had said. Well, that made me smile, because the guy stirring up all the trouble had told me earlier that he liked the girl the other was seeing and was calling her later. I kept quiet about the whole thing but just watched to see how this thing was going to play out. Later that night, I saw the sneaky guy get on the phone. Soon after he complained of a headache and said he needed to go home. Now back then, all of the bars had cover charges, so we had all paid to get in. It had been his turn to drive so the rest of us could get drunk without having to worry about DWIs, so we all had to leave when he was going so we could pick up our cars. I suspected what was going on, so I told my friend to hop in my car and that I would drive. Instead of going back to the bar though, I drove around the corner and parked the car so we could see my friend's street. Now just so you know, I am not naming names here for a reason. This all happened long ago, and I am sure the people involved can recognize themselves. I am not certain wives can, though, so I will keep all names out of it. When I stopped the car, my friend turned to me and said, "hey, what the fuck are you doing?" I said "dude, you know so and so has told you I am not really your friend and that I am after your girl." "I am going to show you that not only is that not true, but that he is really the one that you gotta watch out for." "I am cutting ties with him as of tonight. Sit here for twenty minutes or less and let's see what happens. If I am wrong, we'll go to the bar and I'll buy you a couple of rounds for your time. If I'm right, you'll see him for how he truly is." You see, this friend thought this other guy was always on his side, even though nothing could have been further from the truth. In fact, the other had been actively trying to get him out of the group behind his back for months. Well we waited five minutes and sure enough, the other guy's car went by the street and up to the other corner. My friend looked at me and said "okay, what's going on?" I said "If I am right, he is going to your girlfriend's. Well he looked at me in shock and couldn't believe me. I said "Watch." and pulled out to follow the other. When he got to the corner the other guy made a right hand turn and sped off. My friend gave a sigh of relief and said, "See he is going in the opposite direction." I said "The liquor store is in that direction. Let's just go and sit across from your girlfriend's apartment. We sat there for about five minutes before the other guy came walking up the street with a 12-pack in his hand. I will leave that story there. Needless to say, that was the last I spoke with that guy. As far as I know, that was the last that a number of people spoke with him. Many of us always felt that if you couldn't trust your girls around your friends, then they weren't really your friends. As far as I know, anyone who was there that night, never spoke with him again. So to tie it together, what positives came from this? Well, to start, the guy whose girlfriend cheated on him went on to meet another girl who then became his wife. Meanwhile, a negative force left my life and my friendships improved with all of the other people who used to hang out in that group. You see, this guy had multiple negative gossip going around about a number of people. Once that influence was no longer around, everyone got along better. Thus, negative situations CAN have positive outcomes. Just because you may not see them now, doesn't mean they are not there. Only time will tell! Today I read '' Biscuit Goes To School. ''. I liked it very much. The book is about Biscuit
a puppy, going to school. When his owner goes to school, he chases the bus and follows her. He meets the teacher and students . They like him very much! Ashleigh "A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds." That is a quote by Saint Basil. I didn't even know there was a Saint Basil until I read his quote. There was more to the quote than this, but I decided to distill it a bit. He was getting a bit wordy.
Sometimes, words aren't necessary. Sometimes, they are. Wisdom comes in knowing the difference. Oftentimes people look at a man and make a judgement from what they see. While it's understandable, sometimes there is rot below the veneer. Other times a battered exterior covers over the spirit of a warrior. If you really want to know a man, or anybody really, watch what they do. Not what they do in front of the person they want to impress, but what they do when they think nobody is watching. A man's private actions never lie. A picture can be photo-shopped, a tale of daring can be exaggerated. What a man does when he thinks he is unobserved is the best way to judge his character. I have met many people over the years. Usually, you don't learn about a person until they let you in...they let you see a little part of their private life. No, I don't mean they friend you on Facebook. That is usually just more phony stuff. I mean that they introduce you to a family member or have you over the house or something like that. Oftentimes, the insights you get into their character will amaze you. Sometimes, when a person has invited me into their lives, I see them looking at me, as if I am going to find them wanting or something. I never find this is the case, though. Insights into someone's true self are almost always interesting to me. In truth, I find no one is really the public persona they try to portray. Tough guys are often very gentle with their children. Needy women are usually strong for their families. What does it mean? We all try, to some extent, to be someone we aren't. No one wants their true selves to be laughed at or mocked. Thus, they put up a phony front hat makes the hit to their self-esteem softer if they are ever confronted. If anyone ever calls you their friend, and then invites you into their lives, I recommend taking up the offer. You'll get to see who they truly are...and you'll be able to tell from their actions who they truly are. There is one exception to this rule though. If the person is interested in you for romantic reasons, then its likely you won't truly get a chance to see who they really are. That will likely take time since they will keep that mask on longer to protect their ego. That's about it for this post. It actually went into a totally different direction that what I originally imagined when I sat down to write this post. The above quote is from Confucius. I love it so much, mainly because it is a principle my dad lives by and always advises me to live by... so it has a special meaning to me. Dad works as an analyst for Value Line, but the good thing is that he gets to work from home. Not only does he love his job (he compares it with being a detective, but with numbers); but his favorite part about the job is that he can be home and around my sister and I, watching us grow and helping us learn.
And since he loves his job, he has advised me countless times to find a job that I love, too. I think it's a good idea; I'm just not quite sure what I like yet. Maybe psychology... but that's besides the point. The point is, work is only work if you don't like it. Think of your favorite activity- for me, it's karate. Yes; it's work- but I don't view it as that because I enjoy doing it so much that I see it as fun. Anything and everything you do can be work; it just depends on how you view it. This being said, I'd like to keep this post short and sweet since I said what I wanted to say. I'll end with a quote since I started with one: "Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else." ~ unknown Maddie "Most folks are as happy as they make up their mind to be." That's a quote from Abraham Lincoln. He's right, too. Think about your last day off for instance. I am sure you were happier with a day to do with what you wanted, than you otherwise would have been at work. When our time is our own, we do things that interest us, not just things we get paid to do. That is why the best advice I can think to give anyone is to find something that you like to do, and then find a way to get paid for it.
About 40 hours of every week you are going to spend either working or travelling to or from work. Wouldn't it be better to actually enjoy your work if you are going to devote that much time to it? Outside of work, there are lots of ways to be happy. TV is not one of them. I find I am always happiest when my mind is engaged. Whether it be an interesting article, a quiet conversation, or even playing with my daughters, I find my mood improves as I think about things. Rarely am I in a good mood and then just decide to watch TV. If you find you are not happy, and its not due to losing someone close to you, then it's likely because you are spending too much time in front of the TV or videos and not enough time actually engaging your mind. Another way to become happier is to set goals for yourself. Don't set gigantic goals that can't be reached. While it is nice when you can achieve one of those, I find it is better for my happiness to set lots of little goals that are easy to accomplish that lead to that larger goal. For instance, if I want to see all fifty states. I might get frustrated if I didn't set up a time schedule. Even if I saw five different states in a month, I may feel unhappy because I did not see all fifty. Instead, break that large goal into smaller ones. I want to travel to one new state every six months until I have seen them all. Although it may take you a little longer to achieve the main, larger goal, you will be happier because you will be accomplishing goals all along the way. Moreover, you will likely spend more time in each state and actually get to know them better. Remember, you will be as happy as you want to be. I just find it is easier to be happy moment to moment if I try and set myself up to be happy in the first place. I hope these ideas work for you as well. Life... in my opinion, is too short to not spend happy. And I only just realized this today. Well, not REALIZED it but actually put it into effect, to be honest. I've always known that life should be spent happy; I just didn't quite know HOW to be happy. Yes, I had moments of happiness but I never figured out what made me completely happy. And to tell you the truth, I STILL don't know- but I know things that can give me temporary little moments of joy throughout my day. SO, below I'm going to list all the small things that made me smile or made me happy today- so that when I get upset, I can re-read this post.
All of these things made me smile and be happy today... and maybe, they can help you too! I'd love to hear what makes you happy in the comments =3 But, for now... it's late, and I need. NEED. Sleep. So good night, internet. ~Maddie "Life is only a reflection of what we allow ourselves to see." I think this is a beautiful quote because of its truth and simplicity. Ever wonder why some people always seem happy, while others are borderline miserable? I honestly believe it is because of what we choose to focus on.
My daughter Ashleigh is a great example of this. Three times this week I have heard her say "This is the best day of my life!" And each time, it was on a different day. Was she exaggerating and just repeating something she had seen on a video? To some extent yes, but at each time she was expressing happiness about something that was going on around her. When you focus on the positive, you have a tendency to see the positive. Positive things don't have to be something large, there are plenty of tiny things going on around us that have the ability to make us happy. Watching a video with Maddie, playing Wizard 101 with Ashleigh, or sharing a cup of coffee with my mother all bring little breaths of fresh air to me. A hard work out, a joke among friends or even a moment alone are all things that I enjoy and that bring me momentary happiness. Too often, we allow other people's problems become our problems. Too often we feel we have to save the world for our friends. What we really need to do is step back and save ourselves. The best way we can do that is to have a kind word for those around us. Listen to others, but don't take on their burdens. Offer a kind word, a smile, a hug. Point out the little joys to them. Celebrate their positives and play down their negatives. Surround yourself with positive people...people who are trying to do good. Avoid those who bring you down. Also, have the wisdom to know the difference. Some people WILL get on your nerves sometimes. You need to be able to look past that and instead look at whether or not that person truly has your best interests in mind when they do get on your nerves. Overall, you are the sum of the twenty people you hang around with the most.If three of those people are happy, and the rest dissatisfied and unhappy, then it is likely you will be unhappy too. There are plenty of happy people out there. Find those people and surround yourself with them. Look for the good, point it out to at least two people you know. Do this over and over, and in time, you too will find happiness. I have SO MUCH I want to say about this right now that I don't know if I can even get it all out.
Let's start off with the fact that people who have never experienced addiction in some form will not EVER understand it. By experience it; I don't mean suffer with one- I mean watch someone you love and care for deal with an addiction and see the effect it has on their family. For me, that person was my Mom. I witnessed her alcoholism from a very young age, and it affected me deeply. I learned roughly at age 7 what alcoholism was and the horrible things it could do to both a person's body, mind and essentially... how it could destroy their life. Then, I watched it happen. I watched my mom slowly wreck her life by failing to change her destructive habit. She went through counseling, therapy, in-patient AND out-patient programs for her addiction... but none of it worked. Half the time, she would lie and refuse to follow guidelines, resulting in her being kicked from rehab after rehab and refusing to go to any more psychiatrists. This led to more struggles, and after a troubling pregnancy and my sister's very unhealthy and premature birth, ended with separation leading up to a divorce. After the divorce... everything got worse. My mom's sickness got dramatically worse, fading into anorexia along with the alcohol. It was this deadly combination that finally killed her at age 38, after spending two weeks in a comatose state in the ICU. Yet even after all of this... people who witnessed this and saw it happen... people who were extremely close to my mom... they still drink. Still talk about it, take park in it, and treat it like some sick kind of joke. And it hurts me... that even though they saw it, they don't realize it. However, these people have their own addictions... and I respect that. But the people who struggle with the addiction are often also blind to it. They don't see the pain they cause and they CERTAINLY don't take responsibility for it... and will deny it to the end. Maddie I just read " I Am Lost". The story is about a little puppy that gets lost while chasing a leaf . When he got lost he was frightened and sad. He is saved when he walks up to a police officer. The officer reads the address on his collar and takes him home. I liked the book very much.
Ashleigh I have a theory that once you pass a certain age, usually somewhere around 7 or 8, you lose true, unfiltered happiness. The reason for this? You become aware of the world; and its problems, and the fact that everything isn't sweet and innocent. You're forced to take responsibility for things and you're taught to worry about things you never knew existed. For me, my awakening came at 7 years old, when I learned about my mom's alcoholism and the effect it was having on our home.
And come to think of it... since then, I can't remember what the feeling of happy is like. I mean, yes... I get small little bits of it every now and again, but it is not the pure joy I used to have when I was little. And it doesn't last. It stays for maybe a few minutes, IF THAT, and then I go back to my... I don't even know what to call the state I live in. Depressed? Calm? Nervous? Angry? No; none of these are what I live like... if anything, I'd say I live in a numbness. I'm often called bitter, depressing, or extremely pessimistic by my friends- but I think the only reason for this is because I choose to be extremely blunt about things. I know the importance of the truth, especially on meaningful things in life- and so I'm brutally honest. If you're being an idiot and ask me what I think of your decision... I'm going to tell you exactly what I think of it, PLUS more, likely. Don't like it? Don't ask. Once you've heard my bitterness once, why would you come back for more..? Do you REALLY think I've changed? No. But the reason I refuse to live life without wearing rose-colored glasses is because to be honest: life sucks, and shit happens. And you deal with it. And move on as best you can. I can't pretend to be happy. I can't. If I smile or laugh a little, hey, I'm happy; even if it's just for a little. But I try to not live in my past. Forgive and forget but never forget what the past has taught you. Take everything as a lesson and learn from it. Stay quiet unless spoken to, but don't be afraid to stand up for what you love. Be yourself. Rules shouldn't be followed unless they are meaningful to you and/or affect the outcome of someone else's life. Don't be something you're not for the sake of fitting it. Be honest. Be loyal. Do not hate without reason. Don't believe rumors about yourself or anyone else. Trust few. These are the warped rules I try to live by... and it works well. Am I happy? I'd love to say yes... but that just wouldn't be the truth. At least not now. Hopefully I can re-find some sort of happiness in the future... even if it's temporary. If I can find it and be happier than I am currently, that is a good thing! But until I do; I'll continue to live as I do- it hasn't failed me yet. Maddie I think the Above quote by William James makes a lot of sense. Although I think it is at least good to examine what could go wrong, I think after accepting the risks, it is better to focus on all that could go right. By that I mean, once you have looked at the risks and found them to be less than the reward, you should focus on all of the positive things you can accomplish by taking the action.
Now, carry this thought over to your entire life. Why focus on all of the negative that is around you when there is so much more positive.Being around someone negative is such a drag. They don't even have to be negative towards you. If they are being negative towards someone else in your presence then they will still sap the strength out of you. If you must say something, why not make it something positive and try to help the situation. It really doesn't take any brains to complain. Here is an exercise to try. Every time you go to say something negative or hurtful, stop and think about something positive you can say. For one week, only say the positive things. Let the negative thoughts recede to the back of your mind. See if this doesn't improve your mood! At the same time, set up an actual sanction that you will have to do if you break the exercise. For example, if you say something negative, you force yourself to write a 3-page paper on positive quotes that you read. For each quote you need to tell what you think it means and how you could add it to your life to improve your disposition. Life is what you make it. Fill your thoughts with the negative, and it will be negative. Fill it with positive, happy things, and it will be that also. The key is that you have to actually try. If each day, you go out of your way to make yourself and those around you happier, you'll soon find that you all will be much happier. I realize positive and happy are two different things, but I really think you need to have a positive attitude to be happy. Negative thoughts lead to unhappiness. Through positive thoughts, there is redemption. Today was a rainy day. It rained during my swimming class. I didn't mind, since I was
wet already. I like it when puddles form on the driveway. I like to walk in the rain. Unless it is raining hard. Ashleigh "Thus life and death, good and evil, the blessing and the curse, are set before us, that we may choose our way, and as our way so shall our end be." That, of course, is a quote from the bible. I like to look at the bible as both a history lesson and a road map for living. It's a history lesson to the extent that it tells us about life in ancient times. Unlike most history books though, it tells the story not from the victor's point of view (at least not all the time), but from the conquered's. Throughout history, the Jews have been both victor and conquered, and so have the Christians.
To me, it's the new testament that can be looked upon as the road map for living. The sayings of Jesus and the interpretations from the apostles really give you food for thought about how you want to live your life. When I started to write this post, I was thinking of the writings of Matthew. To be specific: "verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not unto me." I think of this quote from time to time, especially when I go to New York and see bums sleeping on the street. Everyone walks past them. On occasion someone stops and gives one or the other something to eat. I usually don't, so this isn't a I want to show off how moral I am story. Personally, I think this isn't what Jesus was talking about. I don't think that he wants any one person to go out to save the world. I do think he means to take care and treat kindly the people in your own community however. Closer to home, I do think he means to try and take care of each other. A kind word to a stranger in your own town. Helping a neighbor who is down on their luck...Even the way you interact with the people at your own place of worship. The reason I thought of this is because of a story I read on the internet the other day. A pastor was hired at a church where the congregation had never met him. With the permission of the church elders he wanted to walk among the flock before he was introduced to get to know them. On the Sunday he was to be introduced, he went to the church early. He didn't dress as a pastor, but instead wore shabby clothes and just introduced himself with his first name. He nodded and smiled to many people among the congregation and shook hands with others, saying a kind word here and there. Many people seemed put off by his appearance and spoke curtly with him. When he went to take a seat near the front of the church, ushers tried to steer him towards the back. When the church services began, the church elders stood and told the congregation that they wanted to introduce everyone to the new pastor. There was silence as the little man with the shabby clothes stood up and walked behind the lectern. (The church elders were in on the pastor's plan.) He looked out at the crowd, and his first words were: " verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not unto me." Whether or not this story is true, I think it shows that there is a vast difference between going to church and living one's faith. And I think we can all use a reminder about this every once and a while. God has given us a road map (the Bible). It is up to us to use it. There are many paths to both heaven and hell. The farther you stray from paths leading to one, is the same distance that you are straying towards the other. The Bible points out that none of us are perfect. That is true. That is why there are many paths towards grace. We must all do our best to stay on paths that lead towards salvation. One of the easiest paths to follow is to treat all members of the community with a modicum of respect. Remember, many of the apostles and the other followers of Jesus likely looked shabby. These were men and women who oftentimes gave away or left everything they had to follow Jesus. They likely weren't dressed in the finest clothing of the day, and personal hygiene likely wasn't high on their list of heavenly virtues. I try to treat everyone with a modicum of respect and meet them with a kind word. I only try to avoid people that I think could be dangerous, whether by chance or by choice. When I am in New York, I do not feel the need to save the world. In general, I do not feel the need to stop at every homeless person and give them food. I do feel the need to treat them with respect if they do come up to me and start speaking to me. That doesn't mean I feel the need to give them anything...It just means that I will not pretend that they did not speak with me. Instead, I will talk to them nicely and tell them no, nicely if they do ask for a handout. Closer to home, I try to help out where I can. There are many paths to heaven. No one can trod all of them. We can try to stay on the paths that can lead us there though. The Bible gives us a road map. Make sure to check it once in a while to see if whether the paths you are on lead in the right direction. "A tongue has no bones; yet it can crush a person's being. Be careful what you say to people."8/11/2015 This quote is one that I think everyone could do to read and take a lesson from, at least once if not more in their lives. Too often, people don't think before they speak in general... and it's even worse when they're talking to another person and don't realize the hurtful things they're saying. I'm sure I've done it to my friends before; and I've seen my friends do it unknowingly to one another. I'm relatively close to most of my friends, and so I know all of their insecurities. I therefore try to avoid making fun of them for it and try to not bring it up in conversations. However, others don't know... and when they do unknowingly make fun of the insecurity in front of the friend, I feel really bad because I see the pain in their face that they try to cover with a smile.
Sometimes, even the smallest thing can make a person feel like absolute shit or kill their day completely. A leading example of this is parents. Most parents have NO idea what their kids' insecurities are, and they run them over like trains on a track almost every day. Parents love to blame society and self-pity and being too self-centered on their kids' depression, and others deny the fact that their child is even depressed (even though the signs are clearly there). How many of them stop a think that they may be the cause of it? Imagine having an open wound, and every day having salt pinched into it? Because when a parent unknowingly tramples over a large insecurity for a child... that's what it feels like. You guys do it unknowingly, but to us... it seems so obvious and it makes us feel neglected; like you don't pay enough attention to us to see what's right in front of you. Like you don't care enough to pay attention to what upsets us. May I give a good example? I'm extremely self-conscious as it is; both about my body and my face. I try not to venture out of the house without makeup on and I have a hard time deciding what to wear every day because I feel that 95% of the clothing I wear makes me look fat. My dad and grandmother constantly ask me why I feel like I do.... but 30 minutes later are bashing me for the style I do my makeup or my weight, telling me to drop insane amounts of weight or that my legs are too chubby, etc. etc. You think I don't realize this? You think I don't try or lack the fucking brains to realize I need to lose weight? NO! I do try... and it's hard. But it's even harder when family members are dragging you down unknowingly and beating your issues even further into you... like some sick kind of reminder that you're flawed. I KNOW that no one enjoys being picked on, OR hit where it hurts. Another example? I was once told that "all I do is make my family miserable". While these words were said out of pure anger, and I realize this... they still ring in the back of my head to this day. Hell, I'm tearing up right now just typing about it... it affected me quite deeply. It hurts because I try to smooth things over with my family. I try to keep people happy. It just doesn't always work out that way... so please forgive me if I have ONE bad day every now and again. People honestly don't think before they speak. Even family. And the ones who advise us to think before we speak... they really shouldn't say it in such a harsh manner if they can't follow it themselves. Moral: don't say things without speaking. Maddie I just read my second book, Biscuit Wins A prize. It is about a puppy, Biscuit and a little
girl. They go to a pet show. Biscuit sees two of his friends, Sam and Puddles. Biscuit ran away to visit the other animals. He won first prize for being the friendliest pet! Ashleigh Socrates once said that "The unexamined life is not worth living." People have debated for centuries what he meant by that. They don't know, you see, because after saying that line he chose to drink hemlock and end his life, rather than to live it in a way he did not choose. Quite a ballsy call!
You see, Socrates was a bit uncompromising when it came to his philosophy. He felt that people needed to examine their lives and make any changes necessary to make their lives more fulfilling. He shared these thoughts publicly, and would debate people on many topics. Oftentimes these debates would illuminate peoples actions in a negative light, and the people of Greece hated him for it. They also hated that two of his start pupils went on to start revolts trying to overthrow the government. He was taken to court on two charges and was found guilty. The charges were impiety against the state-sanctioned gods and corrupting the youth. Although no one knows for sure, which was the more serious charge, one of Socrates' three accusers was a politician whose son had had a relationship with Socrates. Little of what remains of what Socrates said at his trial had to do with the corruption of youth charge. Instead, the arguments that are recorded focus on the charge of impiety. Needless to say, Socrates is found guilty. Both he and his accusers are asked to propose a punishment for the jury to vote on. The accusers state that they would like the death penalty. Socrates counters by asking the jury for free meals in the Prytaneum, the public dining hall. The jury voted for death and Socrates, at the age of 70, got the hemlock. One author, Doug Linder, said that "The trial of Socrates was the most interesting suicide that the world has ever seen." To me, and I am no scholar now, it seems that Socrates treated his entire trial as a farce. In fact, he seems to be a martyr for free speech.An unexamined life, for Socrates, was a life with little or no principles. In other words Socrates decided for himself what truly was worth dying for. He viewed his life's mission as saving the souls of the Athenian by pointing them in the direction of an examined, ethical life. He then told the jury that "he would rather be put to death than give up his soul saving. By being so bold, the jury seems to have felt that the only way to stop Socrates from lecturing about the moral weaknesses of the Athenians was by killing him. So, to bring it back to today. Would you be a follower of Socrates if he was around today? It's really hard to tell. Socrates wasn't an angel either. Times were different then and so was the moral code. Going strictly on whether or not I think about my actions, and there impact on others before I do them, I would say yes, I do. Do I try not to lie, steal or hurt others? Yes, I believe in peace over power and that my actions should not do harm to others or their property. But to me, examining my life has to go much further than that. Am I happy? Am I taking the steps necessary to lead to my own happiness? Am I doing right by my children? Am I allowing my morals to falter due to the culture I am living in? Am I taking care of my body to the best of my abilities? All of these questions also have to be answered in my opinion. Also, where does my personal philosophy fail me? If I am unhappy more than I am happy, then likely I have a weakness in my philosophy. Here, I am not talking about the sadness I feel from time to time due to the death of my wife, I am talking about a deeper, longer lasting sense of sadness. Thankfully, I do not suffer from that one any longer. If you, or someone you know, does suffer from that type of feeling, then you need to examine the rules you personally live by and see what it is that you are doing that is conflicting with your moral (ie. personal philosophy). Usually, I find, it is not your personal philosophy that needs changing, but the actions you are taking. In the end, Socrates was certainly a brave old goat. Where would you draw the line between your personal beliefs and what you are asked to do? And I mean that both categorically and metaphorically. Answer those questions and you are well on your way to a happy examined life. It's so easy to give advice to others... when you don't understand their situation.
So easy to tell them how easy it is for YOU to do something, when they can't. It's easy to advise others when you don't know their incapabilities... yet you can't help yourself, even though you KNOW your own insecurities. Think about this the next time you go to advise someone. Before you go and tell them how THEY should be living. What THEY should do about something you have no understanding of; what they should do when you have no understanding of THEM. Everyone loves to give advice; but no one wants to follow it. And by no one, I mean both the person giving the advice AND the person receiving it. Because on one end, you have someone who won't follow their own advice because they think it doesn't apply to them. And on the other, the person receiving the advice doesn't want advice at all- they just want pity. Now I know this blog post is short and weird But please forgive me It's 1:00 AM and I had a stressful day Good night internet <3 Maddie I take swimming classes every day. Swimming is fun to do. There are three rules 1.
There is no running around the pool. 2.Everyone must take a shower before entering the pool. 3. Every one must be able to recognize the guard. I like my swimming class! Ashleigh |
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